I am too FULL

I am too full.

I can't even walk properly.

My stomach feels like bursting any moment.

Breathing also getting harder and harder.

My stomach full of fried garlic rice, sukiyaki, fried fish skin, beef smash, crab sushi, fried eggplant mix chicken.

Yes, I ate too much again and suddenly. My stomach can't bear it. My stomach can't stand such large portion anymore.

I feel like vomit, but think back of $$$, I hold my mouth.

It's my fault feels like eating japanese food when i can't resist the temptation after looking at friend's food picture.

I must learned to only eat very very very little portion when goes to japanese restaurant.

I don't want to feel so dreadful like this anymore.

--------------------------------------

Suddenly, there's this thought of creating clay art jewelery to sell. So I went Suria to check on the item available at the shop. Japanese clay art, can be create into small accessories or anything if you're good with it. They do give art class around RM35 per hour without any material, and with regulation of using their material and tools from their shop only during the classes. They say something like 'no outside food'. Everything does look expensive there. From the clay to tools. They have a lot of good quality accessories stuff available. I will wanted to have a try at the clay art making classes when i have extra money on this matter.

Then, I came back home research more on this matter. I found something else more interesting like metal clay art. They ranged from silver, gold, bronze or silver metal in clay form for easy modelling. Then burned or fired to strengthen, more like burning away the clay-like-ingredient leaving pure material like silver, bronze, etc. During the process, depends on the material, the item will reduce in size. The finally art work is so amazing.

So, I think selling metal clay art is more interesting can attracts more customer. Therefore, hoping to earn money with Japanese clay art will need to attract more audience and harder road. My conclusion, don't think about these yet until I have serious feeling about it and have more information on these matter.

Are You Waiting?

Today I feel like talking about waiting.

Are you waiting for something great to happen in your life?

Are you waiting for the right prince charming to sweep your feet away to forever happy land?

Are you just waiting, because you don't know what are you waiting for?

One of my friend describe me as 'waiting for mr. right.'

I can't debate on his word, as I don't know if I am really waiting or I'm not. I don't know what kind of signal or words that I'd said that makes him look at me that way. I didn't press the topic further as I will sound like I'm trying to proof him wrong. What's with right or wrong, when even I don't know if I'm really waiting for mr. right?

Some people need inspiration to start something.

Some people need a push to do something.

All that I know, if i sit there do nothing, nothing will ever comes out of it.

Two days ago, I was just sitting infront of my pc again, playing games. It's so hard to stop at that moment. Suddenly, today...the thought enter my mind. If I sit there playing games, what will i get? Just level after level, item after item. I'm very scared I'll spiral back into the game days when I want to live the game life more than my real life.

I need to get back on my feet. I need to do the things I promise myself to do everyday. Once again, I forget about how precious is the time. I know doing what i did everyday might not get to my dream goal but who knows? Perhaps, playing game was the sign again I'm trying to run away.

All that i know, I am not waiting for something to happen. I need to make it happen.

Exactly how i need to get to my goal, that's the recipe that I don't have yet...will try even error and failure, perhaps one day, I have clear road of successful recipe to my dream goal.

---------
update on 26 July 2011.
I finally take my courage to ask my friend why he thinks of me as waiting for mr right and i got my answer.

he said,' imho, u seems like avoiding meeting guys or go pak tor. A person who likes to be conservative. It's either that or you are afraid of something. Maybe because of the past, maybe of the future.'

I'm so relieved.

At least it's not something from my body language or signal that i send, telling that kind of signal. It's just that he doesn't see i go meet guy or go paktor. LOL, adui...i don't go and tell people i got meet new guys or go date kind of person. I understand why he thought so as I never told him about my love life. He never heard i got any bf before. When I get to know him, I think around the age of 23. I don't talk to guy about this kind of subjects unless they asked.

I finally get to explain things to him, and he finally understand more now. Clear the air. yeah~

Status Update

It's a funny thing that you can't simply say anything in facebook status update anymore.

Sometimes I'm worried I might offended someone in anything I said.

Sometimes I don't want to sound like air-head or crapped.

Sometimes it's just not safe to say anything that it might become a backfire to haunt you.

It's just not wise to simply say anything.

Even it has the function to able to lock certain people from reading it but 'sometimes' you might also forget to lock out on people that have link with the blocked people.

So, it has become a place for me to update about things that happened more than what I am really feeling.

Sometimes I have overwhelmed feelings that I can't even understand why I am having them.

Example, at this moment, I am feeling so restless but I have no idea why. And I can't post it on facebook and say 'I am feeling so restless...'

Why? Because if I do that, people will start asking why and i have no idea how to answer that. If I don't answer, they will wonder why did I say that in the first place. So, better to say nothing at all.

Why am I able to saying things comfortable here now? Maybe I know not much people going to read what I've wrote or even respond to what I've written. And I have no idea how long I am able to feel safe writing here. I hope there's always a place for me to able to express myself freely.

Of course, I will be thankful for those who really read what I've wrote and trying to understand me. Thank you :)

Yummy Prune

This morning, I tried to take pictures of the prune I bought yesterday. The result still okay, but i think will do better with 50mm higher aperture lens which everyone use to shoot macro stuff. I don't know when I will able to buy a new lens but hopefully I make good use of what I have now. :)

Reading the photography mag did help a bit. At least I know why there's a +/- icon there now. They so called it the EV button.

What if,
I never dream of wonderful dreams,
would I be peaceful,
surrender to the living flow?

What if,
I never dare take the step,
to another realm,
that might shown heaven on earth,
would I be restless,
forever endless cry?

What if,
I failed to succeed,
Failed to keep the promise to myself,
failed in whatever I tried,
would I still have the faith,
to keep the faint strength in me?

What if,
I am still the vulnerable me,
Full of worries,
Fill with doubts,
Lack of self confidence,
Lost of concentration,
would I cried self pity,
just to have more comfort?

Be strong,
my heart,

Be brave,
my soul,

Be well,
my body,

Be useful,
my mind,

For I need you all,
To reach the possible dream,
To able to say I've done it all,
To able to cheer for happiness,
To able to say,
It was worth it all.

I am worth it all.

Transformer

Finally went for a movie after such a long time. Thanks to Peter Y that i heard he's going for transformer movie, and let me tag along. Some more they adjust and rush to fit my timing for the movie. I don't like driving back home late at night so we watch around 6:45pm show.

Optimus Prime is still yao yeng even with one arm off~

Lol...the girl, really look like Cameron Diaz. I like the building stunt.

That's all for today ^^

Finally got exercise today. 5km, 65mins.

Today, hanging out at City Mall with mom, uncle bin & aunt moi.

I ordered Tiramitsu, scones, lemon meringue at Cupcakes Boutique for a try.

Bought some books again at Popular. One book about photography, two mags about photography too. Last book is about Big eyes Make up which looks interesting and 20% offer.

Aunt Cat served us dinner at her home later. Very yummy fish soup. So 'xin fu'...

Saturday, i slept more than enough today. At this moment, i haven't exercise and haven't cooked dinner yet.

My study of chinese words finally was tested today. 125 words spelling, only got 98 right. Most also got hints only I knew how to write. Each time I practice I thought I remember, apparently not. I must remember more.

Today, suddenly saw the cloud and sky looks so nice. So I went take some pictures. The result were not as beautiful as I'd seen from my eyes. Means i still don't have much skill in taking pictures. Well...need to develop more skill then.







I took picture of one of the stray dog that always hang out at my house front gate. I named him Yang Yang means itchy. Lol. There's also Da Yang = big itch, ah mu de = the female, guai guai = strange, that i sometimes feed. Yang Yang is more friendly and likes to go near me.

More Strays

Feeding Strays dog every two to four days, the amount of bones and meat is just mediocre amount for two to three dogs sometimes. It was the leftover from the soup boiled for Wangzi. Instead of going into waste bin, why not feed the strays since those bones are like gold to them. They are used to me, two grew close to me. I tried very hard not to develop any strong feeling for them. I can't afford to love them too much as I don't know how to save them.

Today, I found another new stray, a mother with five little puppies. She is thin like bones. I don't think she is producing enough milk for her babies. Those little puppies are crying when someone goes near like they are asking for food.

How can i save them all?

Every time I saw a stray on street, I had very mixed feeling. Some even had collar on them, but they look abandoned. I learned from a friend who told me that I can't save them all.

Now, should i provide extra food for the new stray tomorrow?

-------------------------------------

After I went to market to buy more meat for the strays. I came home found that DBKK has arrived to capture dogs. I'm sure someone reported it. They went directly to the place of the puppies home. What have the puppies done to be reported and captured? I don't know what will become of the puppies after they were carried away by DBKK. I heard bad rumours but I don't want to think about it.

The mother dog must have been not around for she is not captured. She looked so sad as she kept smelling and licking at the area where her babies were before. What can I do now?

I went home and cooked for her since i've bought so many meat. She need extra energy to stay alive and run away from whoever wants to capture her.

Luckily, Yang yang is safe too. I'm not sure about other strays.

Sometimes, I think should I buy license for them so they can stay safe?

Remember

Remember,
The days you thought were dark,
Hopeless,
Lifeless,
Scared,
Anger,
The feeling of running from it all.

Remember,
The road you have walked,
The pain you have endured,
The fall you have taken,
The disappointment you have felt,
The tears you have dropped.

Remember,
You decide for a change,
A change for better good,
Good for yourself and other as well.

Remember,
You believe you are strong,
Dare to move on,
You will keep trying,
Keep the faith strong,
On and on.

Remember,
The people that stand with you,
Support you,
Embrace you,
Enlighten you,
Believe in you,
Trust in you,
Laugh with you,
Love you.

Remember,
Looking at the past, just to strive for a better tomorrow,
Looking at yourself, just to understand more,
Looking at others, just to compassionate more,
Looking at the future, just to hope for more,
Looking at this moment, just to love more.


So,
Live now,
Enjoy now,
Celebrate now,
Appreciate now.

Remember.

Suddenly today, the thoughts of fear pop in my mind as I were driving.

Once when i just learn to drive, I was afraid to go up Karamunsing parking spaces because the lane was narrow, going uphill plus like a going circle stairs. I afraid that I might bump into the wall or so.

With the help of DY, he accompanied me in the car and advice me to drive slowly as he helped me watch the other side of the car. Slowly ...I really manage to go up safely, and went back down safely.

After I got a job working in Karamunsing, I got quickly adjusted to the driving uphill even faster.

So, it's really all in my mind. The fear and doubt.

After I faced it, I am still alright. Luckily, the drive went okay. If I were unlucky on my first attempt, I don't know what i'll become today.

This remind me, fear will be gone when you're no longer afraid.

Never try, never know.

Having headaches at this moment.

Evening, went shopping at 1 Borneo. Bought a new sport shoes, yoga mat(not for yoga), some shirts (very cheap like RM10-15 per piece), pants.

Actually I'm happy and fine until my headache starts to hit me like cracking my skull. So, off i go now..good night.

Having fun testing camera...

Exploring my D700 today :) learning how to take photograph. First time using dslr...really need to learn well. I'm still trying to remember all the concept of aperture, shutter speed, ISO, White Balance, so many other things cramped in one shot..lol

I just hope to know how to use my camera well :)





My dear Wangzi...

72 Hours Challenge - Last Day

Finally, the challenge has ended.

The result...

Mission incomplete.

Failed.

Lol.

I didn't do pretty much anything today. I just sit infront of my pc reading about photography. Earlier on, I thought of going to dentist but my Aunt Cath called in and asked me to stay at home.

So...

What did i learned from this challenge in overall?

Sometimes trying to be positive most of the time is hard when a lot of people around you scrutinizing you and saying the things that you actually feel inside.

And...

This is will not be the end of me :)

I must learned to be stronger inside and believe in myself more. Learned more things in actually helping me to gain what I needed in future. Time is crucial, appreciate it but don't let it control you.

72 Hours Challenge - 2nd Day

It's almost 3pm, 2nd day ending soon and in coming 3rd day of challenge.

One thing I learned most is

Time flies fast!

Time really don't wait for us. So Short...short until I review back my life.

How much time will I took to chase my dream and reaching it?

This really makes me appreciate times more.

I found out running toward RM10k challenge, I don't have the knowledge and the skill to win this challenge at the moment. I just couldn't come out with good idea that make it works.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up yet.

There's still one day. Win or lose is not the problem, It's just a lesson learned.

So far in my mind, still only have the recipe making idea.

So, I'm going to go with it even though it's not my dream goal.

I also will continue and fight everyday for my dream goal as I understand time more now.

Ganbatte neh for last day! and dream goal for rest of my life! :)
------------

All 4 boxes are sold, and another 1 ordered received but I'm not planning to make anymore at the moment.

72 Hours Challenge

No exercise today - too tired

------------

Running on the RM10k in 72 hours challenge...without much idea, the only thing my mind can think of is selling some cookies stuff. I didn't even doubt myself as crazy or what..just wanna have fun trying i guess.

Gone through lots of recipe. Found one that looks easy with the instruction, production cost is low. Since yesterday, I went to buy ingredients at supermarket. Borrowing some tools from Aunt Cat.

And

I still can forget twice.

One in the morning and one in the evening while half way doing the cookery end up rushed out to get it.

I followed what the recipe steps.

But the dough seems strange. It doesn't stick together. I doesn't baked much, the only thing I mostly cook is main meal. So, I just add some more egg to make them stick together, not knowing how suppose to be the right thing to do.

First time I tried to use the machine rolled dough into flat dough type. It was real hard until I notice there's setting of the thickness and thinness of the dough to be rolled out. I found out if rolled too thin, the dough become separated with holes. So I just rolled out the one I found the most smooth without any holes.

During the fried step, the first batch was fried till golden. Then I found out it's not even cooked inside. It's like u cracked it open it's all goey inside. So I re-fried them, they burnt. Lol.

Second batch, due to worry of uncooked, I overcooked them, they are burned too. Hahaha...



Then I lowered the fire, to cook them longer without burning them and blast up the fire when it's about to take out. It's still okay, so I decided to keep them.



Then, I try to make it thinner because it hard to bite.

Trying my best battling with the rolling machine, the result is okay. Fried is at the right colour and look good.

But

The taste was bland. It only taste of dough.

Getting tired and irritated...I finally decided to try second round.

I couldn't give up just like that.

Doing the process of mixing all over again, I decided to improvise the recipe. More salt and sugar and the special flavour.

And this time,

Challenge the thinness to the max.

The result is amazing.

And it taste GOOD!

Lol

Crunchy and tastier...I able to produce four boxes of 100g each.



I burned almost one box amount due to re-fried again, because the colour wasn't good enough I decide to fry again. Same mistake repeated. So, re-fried really doesn't work, even for a while.

Look at the time...4 hours!

I spend 4 hours only able to make 4 decent boxes that eventually I decide to sell at RM3 per box. =.=

Really tiring especially in the kneading the dough part, using all my body energy into it.

I really now look differently on those people who baked everyday, factory that produce biscuit and food in cheap and fast way. Really amazing.

Even though this is not a successful venture,

What I learned today are,

1) with help / guidance of mentor might make everything goes more smoothly

2) this is not a fast way to earn money

3) I am happy that I didn't give up even I wanted to when the first batch failed, at least end up with something...

4) I do not like doing this, cooking meal is fine but not cookies type

5) i am tired now


Okay...

So far, nothing better idea thought up other than maybe doing a recipe book for sell. Maybe a 20-30 recipe booklet. Finding publisher will be hard because I'm not a well known chef. and even so, to create 20-30 recipe in such a short times...definitely not in 2 days left.

What can I do tomorrow?

I wanna try my best till the last minute.

I'm not trying to win anyone but myself.

At least i try and take action. I will not regret.

My Nikon D7000 arrived!

I'll promise to take good care of you my baby~ :)

The 21st Heart of the Rose

Yesterday 20th Day - Rose 15 mins
21st Day - Rose 18 mins
--------------------------

Congratulation! 21 consecutive days achieved! yay!!!!!

What did I learned from this Rose Lesson?

Good - I get to feel peaceful.

Bad - I knew my mind still not able to concentrate well, with a lot of uncontrollable thoughts wandered in.

Good - At least I knew I say I wanted to do something, I really go and do it

Bad- Roses have been taking up spaces in my fridge for 21 days. lol

Good- Rose, you haven't withered in vain, I enjoyed your beauty.

19th Day - Rose 10 mins
--------------

I share my thoughts with aiiko today. She thoughts my lake of my mind got waves now. LOL, exactly right. I'm having trouble focusing lately.

I didn't exercise today because my stomach feels pain. Like something keep on contracting. Half that I don't feel like moving my body because of the cold weather, it's been raining heavily whole day. Okay, I admit I'm bit lazy today. So there's the stomached as a reasoning.

Yesterday 18th Day - Rose 15 mins very cluttered mind
--------------------------------

Having shopping day with mom. Went Suria and Centre Point.

Bought five pairs of short. Some accessories that I regretted not thinking much before buying.

Life is good, can't complaint much :)

17th Day - Rose 15 mins
---------------

I've been starting to read Oprah biography book by Kitty Kelley. It somehow change my thoughts about Oprah than it used to be. The only things that I can see and feel are strong person, determined mind, believed heart and take action of her life. Always salute her for she always so giving and helpful toward others.

Today evening, got a chance to meet up with Fung after such a long time. She looks good. Love her hairstyle. I can feel she's a bit tired for this trip. Overall, she's A-okay. I still feel bad unable to attend her wedding last time though I never told her. She told me that I look thin and my short hair suits me a lot, making me look younger. LOL, i went to eat dinner and the girl who trying to promote the food just call me Aunty. Funny thing is, normally I would be angry or annoyed so, but this time I just accept what the girl see me as. As long I don't feel like an aunty...hahaha I must look younger so next time no one could simply call me Aunty.

16th Day - Rose 10 mins
-----------------

Went Times bookstores shopping again. Found some interesting book.

Enjoyed eating ice cream with Theresa.

Addicted to new game, Zombie Land. How to stop?