Bethamy in KL land

First Class, everyone in the class have a short introduction. I have learned that day what kind of first impression i gave to others.

Then with my good luck on pursuing part time job, i found job that i wanted at the first shop i asked. Learning to become bubble tea barista really interesting. From learning the chart and names in a week duration, i also learned brewing tea, cashier and understanding about bubble tea business.

Throughout the 3 months i have met a lot of 'interesting' people. It really makes me open my eyes to the world out there. Good or bad, i have learned something from all of them.

The most interesting part, my first time went to film set. i got to see what is it all about. Even I haven't learned how to say dialogue at my class yet, i got chances to say simple lines at first as an extra. With my luck, i was offered a short guest role on my second day as extra. So scared that i might not able to deliver well, i brave myself to try. I only could feel my heartbeat beating so loudly and my brain went blank before i say my first line. I keep telling myself, I can do it. I didn't know how well did i perform but i hope it fit what the film wants. I only feel that the whole filming was trying to go in fast speed as they want to be fast in finishing the filming. Trying to catch up with the beat, i don't know that is right or wrong for acting.

Second memorable part, i took part in public audition of a movie with a friend from acting class. We reached early, so i took my chances and went on the empty stage to clear my nervous before the whole thing began. This really help. i felt at place when we're the first one who went on stage. I did my best and i can see and hear the laughter from audience and from the judges. So far I have not received any news from them but I learned about that i need to prepare music and speak directly to microphone.

The are so many minor details that from new friends, job, acting chances, and my personal emotion that I don't know where to start...so i'll keep that in my own memories :)

No matter how, i am so grateful that i got to live that 3 months of wonderful adventure that i always dream of. It is a start i know to something more beautiful. I believe i will embark on more adventure that I'll be glad be on. To my dream, here i come to you!

---------------------------------------------
update on 22 Nov 2012.

Sorry if my stories wasn't as interesting as i plan to write it. Maybe i wasn't feeling so excited when i wrote that. Today, i felt a great moment of blessing. I'm truly thankful for all i have been through. To able to take the first step towards things i always wanted to do but there's an invisible wall that have been stopping my courage. Without my great change of heart will, i think i'll never be where i wanted now. Taking the steps toward my dreams. It might not be something big but it meant a lot to me. From embark in learning how to act journey, to actual acting experiences, learning korean language at the moment. Understanding how to brew a good cup of bubble tea. Now taking interesting in making clay art. Life is really something interesting and unpredictable. Enjoy it while we can. I want to live to my fullest and accepting every possibilities. Live life with no regrets. Today what you do, is what you created for yourself tomorrow. I won't stop my footstep, even how tired i am. I can take a rest but i will continue my journey till the very end.

我突然很感性的想写东西。

I wanted to update this blog for the beautiful 3 months i spend at KL before this. Sorry that i never got to write it yet..will try to write about it soon.

Now, i want to write about this exact moment about what i feel.

I am currently studying korean language at Korea Plaza, KL. I just realize it an only 10 classes course for level 1. I really need to appreciate more the class by studying more everyday but i seems to be slow and catch up slow. But it's a good start that I have learned and i won't stop learning till i mastered it.

My dream goal. It feel so far...untouchable. Do i really want to reach there anymore? But i can't forget the feeling when i am hopeless without any dream at all. I was a really scary place that I don't want to pay visit anymore. Maybe I need more courage and hope at this moment to know that I will reach there somehow. i believe god only give me the best, more than i ever wanted. And so with this believe, everyone that i met, everything that i go through must have a reason and lesson to learn. When I doubt myself, i hate that i am feeling that way. Still, there are just times when i'm feeling low that i'm trying very hard to pick up myself. I envy people that have strong faith and emotion that they able to control well. I know i have more yet to learn.

Love. Talking about love. it's been a real long time that I ever had a relationship. There are times that I think i don't need that kind of love, but there are times that I wished i have love so I have someone to hold to. I don't know if i ever find love again. Will i exchange dream for love? I don't know...maybe..maybe not.

What I can do with my life since i've decide to live it to the fullest. Pardon my greediness towards life, that have not taken duty responsibility like other people. There are so many words that i can't just utter out like this. i wish for people to love me, understand me and care for me for real. Hope i get everything that i wished for.

I still want to thank people that still in my live that helped me to live until today. Without them, i think i have fallen long time ago. Thank god for blessing me.

hurt...

Again, i have felt disappointment & sadness.

I thought I am stronger and won't be hurt. Little did I know when i had my first tear drop...

I am aware i'm not made of steel, i have feelings.

The anger & humiliation i felt at work, i thought myself as small gas.

The rejection i felt upon receiving email, i feel weak.

If all these small matters hurt me, what if i have to be hurt 100 times, 1000 times or even more?

Will I be more and more resilient to these matters?

Finally, after writing these words, I felt better. Like clouds had cleared.

Remember, today this feeling will be useful as a golden ticket one day.

I know my own willpower and ability, i will show them my shine.

That's a promise, to myself.

Korean Lunch & Drama Outing

Today, finally went to temple after arriving kl longer than a month. The temple had been commercialize to able anyone donate any amount as they like for getting four incense and after praying only put to one big pot. Interesting. Having blood donation event and praying event, to marriage registration couple..it was a packed place. Hot and full of people, grace, mei wah and I left the place after praying.

We gathered at Armcorp mall for a Korean restaurant meal. We arrived too early end up going downstair for a drink before a full meal. We have fun by finally taking photos.

We ordered four of meal later, especially the kimchi soup...i love it so much until mei wah complaint i'm drinking too much not eating the ingredient..sorry, mei wah >.<  suka minum, tidak suka makan.

Sadly, I have another appointment coming up crashing mei wah's plan to bring me to paradigm mall. We end up browsing around to pass time. Grace end up buying some Bossanova type of song cd. Mei wah feeling so tired, but still craving for A&W rootbeer float. I followed mei wah to buy the drink after we say goodbye to grace.

I rushed to Pasar Seni, feeling sorry that wei wei is waiting for so long almost 45 mins. Then, two of us trying to find way to the show location. Luckily, with Enn's information, we managed to find the place at last.

The show is very successful, as the drama is very nice and it is full house. It was about a guy who almost choose suicide as resolution in love failure, but was mistakingly taken by death god to the underworld where all the ghost there suicide before. How his view of life changes through the process, and from going back to the real world after being known mistakenly brought down there.

I personally love the character death god and hell king by the same person, i heard his name is wei ping. He is very cute and acted well.

Another good experience of looking at body language when acting. A lesson that I truly needed at the moment.

After the show, enn , wei wei and me manage to have a coffee break to chat. Wei wei even accompany me to dinner even she have another dinner appointment later. Finally, found a new friend that love GD too. Same channel~

Btw, Sam got us (wei wei & I) tickets to Big Bang concert. This is gonna be an event to be remember! Can't hardly wait....

Adjusting to KL life...

I am living at KL this very moment.

Making decision and settling many things before I make it to KL was really difficult.

From looking for someone to fetch my mom most of the time, finding food supplier for her and secured the house really hard.

I am happy when everything are settled even though I still have worries for my mom.

I was able to gain a job at bubble tea shop called 'ShinyTea'.

I am welcomed by old and new friends by invitations of dinner at splendid places. From Sunway Mas bak kut teh, sakae sushi, a special club japanese restaurant and movies.

I have gained weight as I don't have time for exercise and the treadmill here is not as nice as mine.

I got to watch my teacher's live perfomance which is very interesting. Title 'Do love encore?' by The Joker Trio Show.
The Joker Trio Show

I feel cheated by a slimming company called 'L..D.N' when I was only trying to use my RM10 voucher end up buying RM500 for only 5 session. The experience was the most terrible as their service is terrible, more and more they don't like to serve you as they know you won't buy anymore from them. I will never get cheated twice. Now I learned that how they speak to con you into buying package. 'Because this is your first visit here, we give you this special price this time only' and 'I using my own special discount voucher just for you that we get by working here which is suppose to be for us only'.They don't even let you try the first session first before rushing you to purchase the whole package by saying whatever the voucher is offering is not suitable for you. How do you know you will like or need the thing they say the best for you?  They started by saying their slimming session is RM12k normally. Then goes down to 7k promotion. The price keep going down till they keep say this is the cheapest they ever give anyone. I found out from my cousin that she was offered more better offer, which means there are no standard. When we both confront the sales person, they quickly denied their words. Then the next time I try to talk to them about my session, they denied again saying words they mention before. Sales people that worked there, if you practice scamming people everyday, i believe you will stop believing in people as you know there are scammer in this world also. Have fun in no faith for people :p

I really want to have more focus on leaning my chinese language and korean hopefully.

I am proudly announcing that I am an actress that on learning journey to become a great one. :)

I am finally able to say my dream outloud.  I used to think that I'm too old and it's impossible. Now I believe that I'm possible because if I never try, I'll never know.

I am so happy with my class and new friends. There's so many things to learn and develop. I am currently studying Beginner Acting Class at Juita Entertainment, guided by Douglas Wong.
JE

Recently, I think that I should open up my innerself more. To show what I really feel and think and share it out.

I am starting to grasp the idea to show sadness or anger when I really feel so, better than suffering it myself.

I believe that the life is good, if you see the goodness in everything you do.

Jia You ah, ee wan...ni ke yi de.

btw: I found out that half of my classmate already are actor/actress that on set or they are joining activities that promote themselves. Am i able to catch up with them, or i should focus just on basic learning first?

I need power...

It's really been a while since I've written anything here.

Let's update.

Few days ago, wednesday morning. A lady driver, was stuck in a traffic jam has no patience to wait any more decided to 'steal road' on the opposite to get to her working place just nearby infront. She just have to wait for few more minutes to safely get there. No, she decided that, that few minutes should not be wasted and thought the road opposite is cleared and she take a chance. There she goes crashing into my car, voila. Luckily, all of us in the car are safe. As she pays to fix my car, as I heard later from the garage guy that she is wife of the developer, therefore she is super rich. No wonder, I never get my apology.

I am still eating like I have nothing to worry about. I am almost 65kg, looking and feeling fat again...there's 15kg to lose to get to 50kg the ideal weight. Since cny, all my mouth was doing was eating nonstop. I need to find back the willpower to get back to exercise routine and moderate eating.

Lately, I also started to drink coffee. I decided to quit tea for my braces, but i took on coffee =.=
Really stupid. Coffee going to stain my teeth more than tea. My favourite Ice Lemon Lemon I could let go, but coffee I couldn't shake off? This is bad...

My script...I've been stucked. I need to finish up end of this month and there's only few days left. I've been writing on and off for almost a year and yet nothing promising came out. Why I could simply write what i feel but I couldn't write a story? blah...I really need more help in this department.

I really need more willpower, mental strength, focus, and determination to go where I wanna go, to be what I wanna be. Power up, yo!

我输了给时间

我输了给时间,
I thought our love is so special,
precious,
yet you told me,
you love her more because
of the longer time you spent with her

我输了给时间
When I finally realize what I want to do
my whole life,
yet I feel my age is a barrier
for knowing too late,
for the impossible dream

我输了给时间.

---------------------------------
inspired to write this sad poem today. i'm fine..just an inspiration :)

你是小丑鸭吗?

你还记得,小丑鸭的故事吗?

当小丑鸭知道它自己原来是一只天鸸的时候,它还能继续当小丑鸭吗?

它的心灵已经相信它是美丽无暇的吗?

还是小丑鸭还没勇气打开它的翅膀飞翔?

不管多少的时间,我相信有一天小丑鸭会勇敢的向前变成真正天鸸的时刻.

你还是小丑鸭在忧郁,还是已经变成天鸸飞翔了啊?

我希望每个人都能找到他最真实的自己同时也向目标奔跑.

要爱惜自己,因为没人比自己更懂得爱惜自己.

2012

Happy New Year!

May new beginning starts with all the blessing of love and hope.

May I become the better me and all that I wish for...

May You become whatever you want to be...

May everyone have everything they hope for...

Goodbye 2011, Welcome 2012!

Stronger and stronger, may it bless upon me.

Yesterday, around night time. Having a bit of stomache, I decide to read to feel relax. Finally, I started to read the book 'think and grow rich' by Napoleon Hill revised and expanded by Arthur R.Pell. Just first chapter I already feel so great. That's why I love reading book that inspired and give hope. Although at the moment, this book feels like the same as 'the secret' still it is a good read. The more I read, the more I am sure of what I need to do and keep up the spirit.

No doubt there's still fear in me, but that doesn't make me less brave. I must believe I can make it to be whatever I want to be, whatever I choose to be. Part of the book talks about bravely go towards your desire at no retreat but keep on going till you succeed.

I will continue enjoy reading the book. yeah~

Feeling great ^^

First of all, my stomach finally healed. Sometimes I does still feel the pain, but it wasn't as before. Today my passing stool finally are in golden colour and like rabbit pellet shape. Consider a good start.

Today, my feeling is very down. Depressing thoughts and self judgement flowing in the mind uncontrollable. I promised myself that I will be stronger than my own bad thoughts, i will choose only the good thoughts. Maybe I survived another battle, maybe. Like my friend told me before, building a strong sturdy pyramid ain't gonna be easy, literally means building a strong mindset.

Watching a new Taiwanese drama, really make the feeling worst. It makes me feel the pain stronger than ever. The chest pain until now still haven't go away. If pain why i still watch it? I don't know.

The most memorable part of the drama is if life is like a bag, want to fill it with full of memories of my own. New part of life, new bag. So I want a new bag too, to collect more wonderful memories of my own. Girl, stay strong :) Goodnight.