To Trinette in 2016...

This is weird, but it's a request from my beloved friend... so, here it goes:

Hi, Trinette in 2016,

Surprisingly, it is again time to decide. Are you happy with what you are doing now? If not, what is your subsequent plan? Keep on with this job & company? Bear in mind that it would be too late in next few years to regret. Leave? But where? Gosh...life is never ending with T-junctions, even multi-junctions! Decision has to be made as young as completing kindergarten. SRJK or SRK? Then, entry to secondary school. Government, private or technique college? Next, Form 3, Science or other streams? Then, after SPM. To work or to further study? And it goes on and on....and that's life. Although it's 2016, I believe things happen the same way as before. It is unlikely in 2016, human can change the past.

Well, I know you will be scratching your head wondering what's the next step to take. Don't worry. You will be able to overcome it well. Just add a little confidence, give yourself a pat on the back and be firm on what you think is right to do. Remember, you are who you are. No one else knows better what you want. So, がんばって! ^^

Love, Trinette in 2011

For the future me (5 years time)

hm... I never try to write this to myself, as per someone special request~~ XD

Dear me,

I hope you did well when you read this letter, I wander where were you now? Will you still at the same place? Or will you be back home? I hope not, I hope you will be somewhere around except back home~ XD But if you found someone, that's diffrent story. haha.. you know what I mean.

Have you been travel around? I hope you been to Japan, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Florida, New York and so so so on.. XD Maldives is part of the plan as well +_+

What should I said now, believe you can do it and everythings go well for you in future.

XXX

Letter to me (5 Years Later)

Dear Ee Wan,

How are you? How was your 35 years old birthday? Celebrating with people you love? Are you healthy lately? Eating well? I've bet you still love cooking tasty food for other people to eat.

I hope you still look young without too much added wrinkles.

Are you staying strong? Have you master the positive spirit in you? I hope you have built all the confidence you need along the road. Have you reached your dream goal and enjoying it? Was it hard to pass the day and to reach where you are at now? Are you happy now?

As you know, I was stuck in a crossroad junction before with no idea where to go. With depression eating my mind, light shone through when I decide to change. Even though now just baby steps, I believe I will be as strong as you are. Things are good and sometimes bad. Like a dear friend told me, pyramid wasn't built in one day. There are days that were really bad. Luckily the bounce back was faster each time. Do you still have bad days? I guess you must have learn not to bother about it... :)

Is wangzi still living with you? Your mom, Aunt Catherine, cousins and friends all good? Don't forget they are important part of your life, as without them, will be without the 'now' you.

I won't ask you if you have any regret because I know every decision you'd make must have been thought through and you'll accept any result and move on.

I hope you're looking forward to more beautiful life in your future, and stay strong and healthy always.

I love you,

Bethamy, 30 yrs old.

Inner war. Good thoughts vs Bad thoughts.

Sometimes I fall into bad thoughts that like a deep well that hard to climb up.

When I did climb up, my world feel better for that moment...but the moment last for how long, it depends.

My heart knew I couldn't afford to feel bad or depress. My thoughts just flow freely affecting my emotion. It's really hard to control sometimes.

For everyday, I fought my inner bad thoughts, because I want to be better. I will be better. I must be better than yesterday me.

I always forget that I must stay strong after what I've been through. Mind is a fickle things sometimes.

I really appreciate for those who listen to me, trying to understand me and even help me through my phase. Especially Aiiko, forever lending me her ears and heart's space. So I couldn't let her down.

I must not forget, I am already lucky and should be happy for who I am now and for what I have, especially people around me.

Future, here I come :)

Game of Thrones boardgame

Game of Thrones boardgame. Based on author George R. R. Martin's best-selling A Song of Ice and Fire series of fantasy novels.

Yesterday played at Carcasean. Not bad even though it was my first game and i am cornered by two other player. We played 6 player version. I normally don't like to play war game. I would go for a second try next time if asked :)

Keyboard

I finally can type! I spilled water to my keyboard few days ago, the damage was bad. I bought a white keyboard with silicon cover that look so nice yesterday...but...the keypad was so hard to type and press. The space within each alphabet was too far away and the touch is not sensitive enough. The space bar and 'p' were the hardest to press. Today, manage to return it and change to a better one. I'm now using Microsoft Digital Media keyboard 3000. The keypad was nice to press. A lot of nice shortcut button to press. It cost me like RM85. First time bought keyboard priced in that range.

Stomache for two days liao since yesterday...around 3am i wake up to go toilet. Now feeling same again but unsuccessful toilet trip. What's did I cook make my stomach so upset? My mom seems to be fine. Aih...

Since the orthodontic session, I have been neglecting my exercise routine. I just couldn't bring myself to exercise when the feeling of pain and discomforting keep clouding my mind. Even today I feel better, I use 'tomorrow' reason again. This bad habit is coming back...

I must recover back the daily exercise routine.

Recently, so many doubts start to creep in my mind again about myself. Why do I hafta fight these demons every day that trying to kill off confidence that I'm trying to built? Do I really have the passion and determination to get to my dream goal? If I'm having so much doubt, will I ever get there or just died bury in my own doubts? If I hafta take my own advice...I'll say don't think..just do. If I think too much, I'll end up doing nothing.

So, be stronger and stronger everyday, okay? I know I can, and I know I must.

Whole day i've been feeling great. The metal doesn't bother me much today.

I hope I can keep feeling like this for the whole treatment. Jia you ah!

I'm still not used to have the feeling of having metal around my mouth.

The rubber band and the thin metal abrasion is giving me new irritating discomfort.

Swallowing soft food helps avoid pain, though sometimes i still forget and accidentally push my teeth too hard.

I'm telling myself..i must bear it all. i can do it. I must stand for 3 years.

p/s: Nee told me she doesn't need any pain killer at all, only gets ulcer from time to time.

Good morning, not that i'm feeling better today..trying to be positive for this treatment. Few new ulcer forming in the mouth since yesterday.

Like Nee say, won't die de...so hafta embrace these uncomfortable feeling.

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I feel a lot better at night. Don't have the sourness as long I don't use my teeth or apply pressure to it. I went to pharmacy to buy ibuprofen. The pharmacist say how can i endure the pain without eating any pain killing. I only suppose to know I suppose to eat pain killer for such pain since reading about it yesterday. No wonder I feel like that and I'm amazed by myself can endure it without taking any pain killer. I already bought pain killer for the next adjustment so I won't hafta go through the same crazy feeling again.

Now, I learned a person able to bite and eat anything is such a blessing.

Crap

I am feeling like crap!

The pain has maximize since yesterday night. I don't feel like smiling or even move my mouth. I just want to sleep off the irritating feeling. How do i fight these feelings for 3 years? How?

It's hard for me to eat or chew since the metal at the end keep scrapping my skin more and more each time I eat because i hafta remove the wax that keeps it smooth.

Am I crazy, getting myself into this treatment? Do I really want to go through these pain everyday? Or because I have sensitive teeth the pain maximizing? Does other patients feel fine after few days or they just bear the pain everyday?

What had I get myself into? ....

The only thing I can do now it, bear the pain...

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As long as I sleep, as long as my mind focus somewhere, and after mouthwash ..i don't feel much the pain.

My mouth starting to have ulcer at the place where the metal scrap when I eat.

Crap....

Braces!

Finally...

I am 钢呀妹.

Dr. P fixed upper braces on my teeth today around 10:30am. The process was quite uncomfortable as for the cleaning and the suction was left too long, my tongue feels very dry. I don't feel any pain.

I was told I was become dizzy or nausea after 1 hour but I'm still very fine later on. I was told that I will feel the pain in 3 hours of the braces but I still feel fine.

The only thing most uncomfortable is the end part of the metal. I had use wax that they intro me to buy, to fix on places that i feel uncomfortable, it was helpful.

Wait, i forget. The most uncomfortable was when I was eating just now. I can't chew properly at the moment because there's a bump to avoid my lower teeth hitting upper braces. I mostly hafta just swallow my food. The food really go all over the braces even I was trying to avoid.

Now, my brushing routine includes flossing, brushing, brushing with the small brush, mouthwash, night time sleeping calcium teeth moose, one a week plaque check paste. Add liao 4 new process to my daily routine. Hmmm...

Okaylah, everything will be fine :)

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Okay, i don't feel too fine. I feel irritated. Feel like scratching those tiny little metal off. Maybe because i have sensitive teeth..now feel like 'suan suan' sour sour..hm..how to explain this irritating feeling...

Double Chin No More

Aha..the best new of today is

Looking at the mirror suddenly..i notice i don't have the double chin effects anymore.

muahahahahaha

yes!

Finally, double chin gone!

bye bye and please don't come back...